Cutters win by KO

It was ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ all over again, as the Cutters and the Smiles traded blows all game, but in the end it was the Cutters who raised the belt victorious. Sweltering heat and humidity quickly sapped any energy the lean Cutters had, yet the vast energy reserves of the Smiles’ made up for any differences in skill, meaning the match was tightly fought until the Cutters pulled away after half time.

Pre-match it was a case of another unknown opponent for the Cutters, yet they quickly understood and defined their challengers as “seedy name, seedy game”, following a bout of physical confrontations, including one incident in which Kep, though usually the aggressor, was thrown high into the stands. Manslaughter charges looked certain to be laid, but the rough and tough Lil’ Flip shook himself out of his coma, to let his game do the talking.

Skills were down on the night, as Tim demonstrated his lack of close-shot practice, Kep and Yo combined to bake more turnovers than Sara Lee, while jaws even dropped when Ben threw up a very rare air ball. Despite this, their efforts were enough for the win, Great Scott’s consistency keeping the Cutters in-line while earning him consecutive MVP honours. Fergo top-scored with 13, Scott drained 12, Yoch added 6, Tim 5, while Kep was again held scoreless. Dave did not line up, apparently “falling asleep on the sun bed at the solarium.” Forgiven.

Shot of the game went this week to Ben, who went baseline on three defenders and with his shooting arm somehow stretching around and between the defence, he threw up a crazy reverse flip shot that dropped.

The influence of Kep seems to be having an adverse effect on younger stars such as Tim VB, with Tim once again almost losing control of his emotions, looking ready to bite umpire high-pants McChubby’s head off at the next dodgy call. Coach Steve will have to find a way of controlling his team of superstars, and soon, before the team ends up as Portland have over in the NBA.

Celebrity status is now confirmed for the champion Cutters, as the team arrived at the game looking every bit the basketball dynasty that went unbeaten last season and look like doing the same this season. Lil’ Flip (Kepler - motto: “If you see it, you want it, buy it, own it (drive it, flown it, factory-chromed it”)) rolled up in his Jag stretched like a school bus, while Wong’s first single, a collaboration with artist Nelly titled “Still No. 1”, went straight to that very spot on the charts this week. Big Truck Boy Timmy pulled up in a new SUV fitted with 23’s, Dave just signed on to endorse the new Kurt Rambis Brand line of apparel, while Ben professed “I stopped wearing gold last year” indicating he’s moved on to bigger and better things and even shinier metals. All-round nice-guy and protector of the innocent Yoch can be seen gracing packets of Lay’s potato chips, after the company dropped Pat Rafter (‘Pat-ato chips’) in favour of Johan, and have renamed the product ‘Potat-Yo Chips’. The ever-generous Yochem is still doing his bit for the community, whilst also bailing out team-mate Kep so he could make the game. The Cutters ‘per team policy’ would not disclose the reason for PG Kep’s stint behind bars.  

However, the Cutters should not get too far ahead of themselves, as a future loss now looks inevitable, as it did for USA’s Dream Team before this year’s World Championships. Without Jas, the Cutters look at times shaky and unstable, and regarding a loss for the Cutters, the only question remaining is when? Will it be next week, as the Diamond Cutters face arch-rivals from way back, Wake Forest, at 6:45pm. Be there!

Apology: A print error was made last few newsletters, with Scott scoring 12 not 8 before he went away, and 17 not 14 last week.